My father, Clarence, was born in 1916. He was the youngest of seven children. In 1918 his father and his oldest sister died of the Spanish Flu. Father never really knew his father nor his oldest sister Beatrice.

When Clarence was about 5 years old, his mother remarried. Dave was a good husband and treated grandma well, but he physically abused the three younger boys.

Dave would get angry and take out his anger by striking or often beating the boys with horse reins or sometimes wagon parts. Whatever was handy at the time would be the instrument of choice for the beating that would come.

The younger boys learned to hate Dave, to the point that the older of the three waited in the barn with a pitch fork with the intent to run Dave through with it. Fortunately for the son, his oldest brother caught him and talked him out of killing Dave.

I suspect that Dave had ADD as well but for sure, he had a nasty temper.

If the abuse did not cause the ADD, it certainly contributed to its development in my Clarence.

Clarence’s school bus driver noted that Clarence was unusually sullen one day so asked Clarence what was going on. Clarence told him and showed him the stripes on Clarence’s back. The bus driver reported Dave to the authorities and the Judge ordered Dave to never touch Clarence again.

In today’s world, Dave would have spent time in jail for what he did to the boys. Corporal punishment was the norm in those days but not to the extent that Dave used it.

Clarence’s brother George and Earl had already left home by then.

Clarence went to a cousins for the day to visit. He went by horse back and stayed too late and Clarence’s uncle told it was too late and he should stay overnight, which my father did.

In the morning he was fearful of going home again so he rode his horse to where his brother Earl was working and never went back home again, except to visit as an adult.

Clarence was 13 when he ran away from home.

My son, in researching ADD, found that ADDers suffer many mini-traumas during their lives for perceived rejections. Society tries to make everyone conform to their norms which for ADDers is often perceived as rejection.

My father had many major traumas and his self-esteem was quite low. He hid behind his anger most of his life.

Justifiably, he was very angry most of his life, but unfortunately it caused him and his family a lot of grief and difficulty.

My father did his best to be a good father and husband. He was a good father until be lost his temper then he could be abusive. He knew it was a problem and only slapped us with an open hand because he did not want to inflict injury as his step-father had done.

Only once did my father strike my mother and when he realized what he had done he was so apologetic and to my knowledge it never happened again.

When my father was in his seventies my father forgave Dave and the anger was gone. I don’t remember my father displaying the rage he had displayed before. When He forgave Dave and let it go he was a free man.

I probably need to explain the forgiveness my father experienced. When you forgive an offender for their deeds, it is not okaying their behavior. What they did was wrong. When I forgive them I am releasing me from hanging on their abuse. I no longer hold it against them. I may never trust them again but I refuse to have hard feelings towards them any more.

I can tell you from experience, it is very freeing to be able to forgive, even when the offender does not really deserve it.