In my researching ADD , I discovered that ADD persons often are overly sensitive. They can be offended very easily by any perceived threat or putdown.
It is not just offended but I can respond to rejection or put downs as traumatic. It would cause emotional hurt and in some cases anger. It takes longer to get over the putdown or rejection than typical people.
I have an older gentleman in a group of which I am a part who can be very caustic and negative regarding any proposed change. When I proposed some activity that had worked well for the group in the past his harsh negative response really offended me and it took me days to get over it. It was more than being offended it literally knock the wind out of my sails. I was dealing with devastation until I was able to process the whole event and get over it.
I have learned over the years to stuff it and not let anyone know I was offended or hurt by the incident. Internally though, it often takes days or weeks to finally resolve the issue internally.
My mother was a perfectionist. If it was not done her way it was not done correctly. I learned early on to not let her or anyone else know that I was offended. The typical response would be either “You’re just too sensitive” or “I was only making suggestions.” The message I heard was, “You did it wrong again dummy. Why don’t you get it right once.”
Early on I learned that if I had needs I needed to resolve them myself. No one else really cared or wanted to hear my complaints. I am not sure that was ADD but rather the dysfunctional family life we had.
It has been a real challenge to not let caustic remarks or outright rejection derail me in my goals or objectives.
I also have to process the offense and remember that although the offender was cruel, it does not make me a bad person any more. That does not happen automatically. I really have to process the event to come to that conclusion internally.
I also have to process the offense and remember that although the offender was cruel, it does not make me a bad person any more. That does not happen automatically. I really have to process the event to come to that conclusion internally.
Being aware of my sensitivity helps me manage my being offended more quickly. I have learned that I have to forgive the offender, but that is a process not a one time thing.
When I forgive the offender, it is not saying what they did was OK. It was not OK. Forgiving them means I do not have to hang on to the offense. I need to let it go.
How do I know I have forgiven them? If the occurrence comes to mind and I can let it go without ruminating on it I probably have forgiven them. If I ruminate on the offense over and over again, I have not let it go yet.
In the case of the gentleman mentioned earlier. His intent was not to offend. He just had a strong opinion and he expressed it very strongly and caustically. The offense in his case was my own sensitivity.
In the case of some of my family members the offense was intentional. I still need to forgive to be healthy.
Forgiving a person for their offense does not mean I should trust them again. They need to earn the trust back. But in most cases they have no idea they have offended me. Therefore trusting them again will take time if ever.